In the last few years (non-coincidentally, right about when I started pastoring), I've become much more aware of how I handle stress, and how I let things in my life affect me and stress me. I've become more intentional in handling stress, because I've found that when I don't pay attention to whatever is causing me anxiety or worry, I can become really weighed-down, letting this stressor work away at me in a corner of my mind without my really paying attention to it. Whatever stresses me isn’t necessarily at the center of my attention, but in the background, creating an underlying feeling of anxiety that affects the rest of what I’m trying to do or trying to think about.
This anxiety can get out of hand. In college, my advisor once suggested, after a string of times being sick with flu or bronchitis or similar, that I might be making myself sick. I don’t think he meant I was making it up or anything – I definitely was sick – but he meant that I was getting so stressed and overloaded that I was getting sick. I think he was right. The sickest I ever was during college was my senior year – I was graduating a year early, and stage managing a theatre production, and going to General Conference 2000, and it was all too much. I needed a way out of something, but I couldn’t say no to anything, didn’t want to quit anything. Result? Worst flu I’ve ever had.
Now, when I realize I’m anxiety-filled, I’ve found that the best thing for me to do is stop and review what’s swimming around inside my head until I can pinpoint the issue that’s causing my stress. Usually once I do this, I can think over the issue and put it in its proper place, and move on. For example: last week I was feeling that anxiety, and tried to think of what was causing it. I realized I was anxious because of the CNN.com headline about the Time article on global warming – polar icecaps melted by 2060 (not to worry, though – CNN headlines only remain top stories for about 5 minutes). Yep. Anxious about polar icecap melt. Now, I think this is a real concern. A real threat. An extremely important issue. But is it something that should cause a gnawing stress in the pit of my stomach? Probably not, since that anxiety isn’t going to cause my action – it is only going to cause my inability to act.
In the ministry, I’ve found that a million things can cause this anxiety in me. Someone mentions that the service went 15 minutes too long, or that we’re still struggling financially, or that I didn’t call someone who was in the hospital, or I see that attendance is down again – if I’m not careful, these things can cause me a great deal of anxiety. This past week, I’ve been on vacation, and I’ve spent most of it sick, worried about this, that, etc. Most of what I worry about is outside of my control. Jesus’ words about worry run through my mind. How on target, and how in opposition to how we live today. We don’t like not being able to control things. Maybe that’s what it all comes down to.
So, after my rambling post, I ask – how do you deal with stress? Are you an anxious person? A worrier? If you are a pastor, how does stress affect your ministry?
6 comments:
The best way to handle stress is to swallow hard and bottle it up for years until you're 55 and a parishoner complains about the type of paper that the bulletins are printed on and you snap and go on a multi-state shooting spree, all while chased by police and the ATF.
Hi Beth,
Firstly thanks for sharing that with us. I can empathise with much of what you have written. I share similar insecurities as 'though everything that goes wrong or doesn't get done is my fault. people normally don't mean to imply such but like you I have learnt that being a minister involves vulnerability.
I am a depressive. I rarely get through the night without moments of panic. In my case it goes back about 16 years. I wish it would go away and Yes Jesus' words add to my discomfort. The one plus is that I am able to empathise with people who have self esteem/depressive problems in a positive way that would have been beyond me of I didn't have these valley experiences.
Re issues such as global warming, these are truly mega. I share your activist inclinations and beleive we have to raise these matters in the church and beyond that in wider society. BUT Beth Quick cannot put all the world's wrongs right. Beth Quick is simply called to be faithful. And frankly I see you being faithful in all that I find on this site. You are making a contribution - son't forget it!
Finally, John shows great pastoral insight with his comments. I'd love him as my District Chair one day! I don't know if you get Father Ted in US but I was told by a former District Chair that I would end up like the demented Father Jack although I think Victor Meldrew is my more likely destination.
If any of last paragraph was not understood then it really is true that the Atlantic is like a Berlin Wall of comedy.
All the best,
Paul
Beth -
After reading your blog for four months, I've no doubt that with your busy life you feel stress.
Let this old parson give you some advice. TAKE ONE DAY A WEEK FOR YOURSELF. And I mean take it for yourself. Don't clean the house; don't take care of family things; take the day for yourself. Currently, I take every Monday to go hiking by myself in the mountains. Only an emergency prohibits this, and I DEFINE EMERGENCY.
Tell your SPPR you're doing this. If you're doing something for yourself at home don't answer the phone until you've heard the caller leaving the message and know it's not "business."
Sit down and define what a REAL emergency needing your immediate attention is, and outside of that grab 24 hours for Beth.
Now the confession. It wasn't until I retired and then was asked to supply a church I started doing this. If I'd have done it earlier I wouldn't be this old.
Grace and peace, preacher!
I second the one-day-a-week thing. I too make myself sick by allowing myself to get stressed, by little and big things both in and out of my sphere of influence. I "self-soothe" (as my therapist used to call it) by reading novels, watching Buffy, playing with the cat, going for a walk, sitting in Starbucks with a book and one latte for several hours, and napping. I suggest finding a few things you enjoy--and that don't remind you of work--and taking one hour every day to do them, and one day each week to do nothing but those things. It has worked wonders for me over the past few years (in seminary and now as a missionary).
God be with you...
Sometimes I think that stress is the main thing that keeps me getting out of bed every morning. [rueful smile] So I am not an expert in dealing with stress, other than to note that I have found it necessary to spend at least an hour every day doing something I enjoy, that has nothing to do with work or church stuff or home responsibilities.
The idea of the sabbath might help. Doesn't it seem obvious to take a sabbath every seven days, obvious and even biblical?
When we work too much, everyday, we begin to think we are indispensable and that we are the reason for ministry. I think exhaustion, because of doing too much, becomes a symptom that we do not trust God enough. Stress is the result of not enough trust in God and an example of our own urge to power.
I've thought about this a great deal over the years. What does it say about me if I crumple over a comment or criticism rather than looking beyond these things to the real reason for ministry?
Maybe you could work on this bit by bit. No one finds it easy.
Blessings to you.
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