My 2014 Reading List

Books I Read in 2014

I didn't read as much as I wanted this year, especially in the first several months. I did finish my DMin though, so perhaps reading what I had written over and over and over in the editing process counts in lieu of a few books....

1.     Hamilton, Adam, 24 Hours that Changed the World (church Lenten study) - Pretty good. My congregation enjoyed this. 

2.     Hamilton, Adam, Making Sense of the Bible (church Bible study) - I think this is a really excellent study. It's got a lot crammed into it, and will delve into some uncomfortable topics, but my folks took it mostly in stride. I think if pastors realize their congregants want and appreciate this kind of look at the Bible, it would make things easier from there on out. 

3.     Kalas, J. Ellsworth, A Hop, Skip, and a Jumpthrough the Bible (church Bible study) - Not my favorite of his books. (Christmas from the Backside is) but this was a nice companion book to my Bible 101 class. 

4.   Hamilton, Adam, Not a Silent Night (clergy Bible study) - Probably my least favorite Hamilton book to date. I felt like this was a "need to put out an Advent study" book. It wasn't awful. It was just not moving to me in any way. Forgettable. 

5.     Lupton, Robert D., Compassion, Justice, and the Christian Life - I got this thinking I would use it as a DMin resource, but it wasn't really what I was looking for. A decent read, although I think Lupton could push farther in a lot of areas, and still uses an "us" "them" breakdown that is not helpful sometimes. 

6.     Livermore, David A., Serving with Eyes Wide Open - Another one I got thinking it would work for DMin research. This focuses on short-term mission trips and on pastors training other pastors outside the US. If you and your church are involved in either of those things, I recommend it. 

7.     Borg, Marcus and Crossan, John Dominic, The First Christmas - I've had this for a while, and finally got to it. I really enjoyed it. I think it would be a great read for some of my atheist friends who think they've discovered the myth of Christmas, and some of my Christian friends who might benefit from understanding the multi-layered symbolism of the Christmas story. 

8. Lewis, C.S., Miracles - Oh, C.S. The Chronicles of Narnia are so good! So full of imagination! So open! His non-fiction - not so much. I'll give him this - he's got an interesting technique of argument. Reminds me of the apostle Paul. I'd love to see what he'd make of our scientific knowledge today. 

9.     Smith Hill, Pamela, Laura Ingalls Wilder: A Writer’s Life - Loved this look at Wilder's life, especially the examination of the relationship between Laura and her daughter Rose and who really wrote what. (Smith Hill argues that Rose was an editor, not essentially a ghost-writer, and that Laura was forgiving of the large chunks of her writing that Rose lifted for her own work.) 

10.  Koenig, John, Soul Banquets: How Meals BecomeMission in the Local Congregation - This was ok. 

11.  Monk, Theophane, Tales of a Magic Monastery - This is a book beloved by one of our CCYM coordinators, and thus, by our CCYM as a whole. I was glad to read the source of some of our favorite CCYM parables. 

12.  Baum, Frank L., The Wonderful Wizard of Oz - My brother gave me his old kindle, and this was pre-loaded on it, so I read it. I like the movie better! (I know, I know.)

13-15.  Roth, Veronica, Divergent, Insurgent, Allegiant - Divergent was awesome. Insurgent was pretty good. Allegiant - boo. It isn't just the ending, which I hated, but won't spoil here. It was the way the third book just changed so many key elements of the first book that I loved. Unbelievable character actions. A total change in setting. A change in the whole world of the book. A letdown after a great start.  

16.  Fielding, Helen, Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy - I am a huge fan of Bridget Jones' Diary and The Edge of Reason, which are both hilarious. In this book (SPOILER ALERT), Mark has died, and Bridget is significantly older. I was SO disappointed we never got to see the rest of Bridget and Mark's relationship, their marriage, them parenting together. I don't mind Bridget growing up. I just wish we had gotten to see it happen.  

17-19. Bracken, Alexandra, Darkest Minds, Never Fade, In the Afterlight - A Young Adult series I heard about via some tumblrs I follow, appropriately enough. Excellent series. I hope it gets more widely read. 

20.  Shapard, David M. and Jane Austen, Annotated Emma - An excellent read for this lover of all things Jane Austen. 

21.  Norris, Bruce, Clyborne Park - CNY Playhouse is staging this show in the spring, and I read it before auditioning. I wasn't cast, but I'm so glad I read the script, and am looking forward to seeing the production. A contemporary look at race, housing, and the things we don't like to talk about out loud. 

22.  Ehrman, Bart D., The Lost Gospel of Judas Iscariot: A New Look at Betrayer and Betrayed - Since I'm obsessed with Judas, I had to read this. I've had this book for a while and finally got to it this year. I like Bart Ehrman's writing style and approach, but I realized I really don't care about Gnostic writing. I loved the parts where Ehrman explores the canonical gospels and theorizes about actual Judas. I also found the section on the discovery of the text to be intriguing. But the rest - not my thing. 

23.  Ruhl, Sarah, In the Next Room -  Todd was reading a stack of plays for school, and I picked up this one out of the pile. It was ok. 

Selected Audiobooks: Mostly I listen to really light stuff I wouldn't both reviewing, but a couple of standouts - 

Eugenides, Jeffery, The Marriage Plot - This was really good. I loved reading about students in the midst of the explosion of semiotics and deconstruction. I had no real sense when my SUPA English introduced us to this stuff in high school how contemporary it was and how useful it would prove to know about later in my educational career. Also, the main character is named Mitchell Grammaticus, and I think that is the best character name ever.  

Weiner, Jennifer, All Fall Down - I love all of her books, and feel sad when she's mislabeled as "chic lit." This book focuses on a young mother caught up in prescription pain med addiction. The protagonist isn't particularly likable, but I think that's ok. 

Fanfiction: Admission - In this past year, I've read a ton of fanfiction. I had no idea when I started out looking for a version of The Hunger Games written from Peeta's perspective the whole world of fanfiction that existed. I subscribe to updates from a bunch of works-in-progress now, and there's something neat about getting a story chapter by chapter. My favorite, which I mentioned last year, is still, hands-down, When the Moon Fell in Love with the Sun. The author has been through a lot in her personal life in the last year, resulting in a slow update schedule, but it is worth the wait. 

In Progress: 
Poehler, Amy, Yes Please 
Stookey, Laurence Hull, Let the Whole Church Say Amen!
Dashner, James, The Maze Runner
Shealy, Daniel and Louisa May Alcott, Little Women: An Annotated Edition
Aslan, Reza, Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth

Jesus Christ Superstar: From the Other Side

        This year, after twenty-one years of seeing Jesus Christ Superstar performed by Salt City Center for the Performing Arts, Ted Neeley’s various touring incarnations, my alma mater, and the Stratford Festival, and after harassing various church musicians into incorporating Superstar into worship so I could get a small taste of participating in the production, Saturday night I finally got to take the stage as a bona fide member of the cast, in all my miscellaneous-villager glory, instead of singing along quietly(ish) from my seat.

            I’ve spent a lot of time writing about the production over the years, reviewing the show, offering my peanut-gallery comments. Now, as a cast member, I can’t exactly give an unbiased review, so instead, I offer some reflections.

            First, I had so much fun being in the show. I was a theatre minor in college, and even though theatre was my minor and pre-theology was my major, my life in college revolved around theatre. That’s what took up my time. I worked on just about every regular season show during my three years at Ohio Wesleyan in some capacity or another. I loved it. I’ve missed it. Since becoming a pastor, I hadn’t yet been able to figure out how to incorporate theatre into my life. During my first year of ministry, I did makeup design for a community theatre production. (I cannot even recall the title of the show I worked on – how sad is that?) I ended up missing several shows due to deaths in my congregation, and I never really tried to get involved again. Recently, I noticed that one of my colleagues (thank you, Michael Terrell) was doing some theatre in his community, and I began for the first time in a long time to consider whether or not I could get involved in something again.

            But this wasn’t just any show. This was Jesus Christ Superstar. As I was waiting in the wings right before my first entrance – “What’s the Buzz?” – I realized I had a huge grin on my face, and I was having a little trouble wiping it off to replace with “perplexed townsperson.” I’ve imagined being in the show for so long. It might not seem like a big deal to you, but I really didn’t see how I would be able to be in the show that went up during Holy Week while I was serving a church. I am so thankful for this experience.

            In fact, as I think about my experience, a lot of “thank yous” come to mind. I want to thank my co-pastor, Aaron Bouwens, for not minding, for being supportive, when I told him I had committed to a project that would mess up our carefully worked out schedules, make me unavailable for some meetings, leave him on his own at Good Friday worship, and render me exhausted on Easter morning. I have to thank my congregation at Liverpool First UMC. It would be easy, especially when we are still in our first year together, for folks to have balked at my spending so much time away during Lent, rushing out at the ends of meetings to catch second halves of rehearsal, rescheduling programs to accommodate my schedule, etc. Instead, they were totally excited for me, and got together a huge group to come and cheer me on Saturday night (and then they still showed up on Sunday morning for worship!) I feel very blessed to be their pastor. I’m thankful to Bob Brown and Cathleen O'Brien Brown for being so flexible when I filled up my audition form with a huge list of rehearsal conflicts, and for Bob, as a director, going out of his way to make sure that the other pastor and I who were in the show could choose to portray our villager-characters in a way that wouldn't be harmful to our spirits – so thoughtful. I’m thankful to my family, and my dear friend Heather, for celebrating me on Saturday! There were flowers, “Beth Quick, Superstar” t-shirts, and Heather, also a pastor, might have had other things on her mind Saturday night, but she was still there, cheering me on! And of course, I have to thank Henry Wilson, who was playing Judas the first time I ever saw the show, who I had a huge crush on, which in turn fueled my love of the show, my questions about Judas, my theological searchings, and really, impacted my path into ministry in some important ways. I’ve been very upfront in writing about this influence on my blog and in my sermons over the years, and to be the focus of that commentary – well, there are many different ways a person might react to that! Henry, who I finally met after all these years, was entirely kind and gracious, and I enjoyed getting to watch him, now playing Jesus, bring the same depth and quality to this role that he always has, always taking rehearsals seriously, culminating in a truly moving performance.

            I know the folks involved in Superstar bring a variety of faiths and believes and experiences to the show. For me, though, it is always a spiritual experience. What would you have done, if you’d been there? Where would you be in the crowd? As a teenager, watching Superstar awakened in me the lifelong quest to answer those questions. It is so easy to believe that we would be supporters of Jesus, defenders, pleading for his freedom, pleading for his innocence. The thing is, I’ve never been much of a risk-taker. Heck, I even sat in my car for a good while on the night of Superstar auditions, talking myself out of auditioning several times before I finally went in and took the plunge, and that was for an experience that was all for my benefit, that I knew I would love. Would I risk raising my voice in an angry mob, shouting for crucifixion? I wonder how many of us would even be in that crowd, and how many of us would avoid the scene altogether, just trying to stay out of it. Where would be in that crowd? Where I am in this crowd? I claim to be a disciple of Jesus – what risks am I taking today to stand up against injustice? To speak for the marginalized? To love in the radical, sacrificial way of Jesus? What cost am I willing to incur? What truths must I speak and live? On this Easter Sunday, I feel particularly blessed to have had such an awesome vehicle for exploring these questions in Superstar, as I continue seeking new life.  

Sermon for Second Sunday in Lent (non-lectionary) - Point of View: Judas

Sermon 3/4/12

Matthew 26:6-50, 27:3-10

Point of View: Judas

            Can we see things from Judas's point of view? Or maybe, we are worried we can see from his point of view too easily? I remember, once in college, we were at a meeting of one of the faith groups I was part of on campus, and the chaplain noted that there were twelve of us, and he mentioned that we were like the twelve disciples. And I couldn’t help but wonder: then which one of us gets to be Judas? Who would want to claim to be Judas? Which disciple would you be willing to claim? Maybe one of the ones that barely gets a mention beyond their original call by Jesus?

            I told you last year a bit about my fascination with Judas. Of course, it started with Jesus Christ Superstar, and the actor I had a crush on, but it went beyond that, as I started to wonder about Judas and his role in the Passion story. I shared with you the nagging questions I had.  As we heard in our gospel reading today, Judas committed suicide, hung himself, out of guilt for his actions, for betraying Jesus and putting him into the hands of his enemies. I had been taught that suicide was a sin that condemned someone to hell. An unforgiveable sin. But it was the way Judas was portrayed in Superstar that made me start to wonder, because Judas was depicted almost as a hero in the story, misguided maybe, but still someone to root for. Right there, in our text today from Matthew, we read this: “When Judas, his betrayer, saw that Jesus was condemned, he repented.” Judas repented. That word, the word used here – it’s the same word for repentance that Jesus and John the Baptist use when the first preach their message: Repent! If Judas repented, how could he be condemned to eternal punishment? And what’s more: In the gospel of John, Jesus talks about Judas’ betrayal being part of the plan. If Judas had to betray Jesus in order for Jesus to go through the suffering and death and resurrection, how can Judas be held accountable for his actions? Was he acting as part of his own free will, making his own choices, or was he predestined to betray Jesus? And if he was predestined, can he be judged for his actions?

            I presented all of these questions to my Sunday School teacher at the time. Her answer to me was simple: Judas committed suicide, so Judas went to hell. I was not satisfied with her answer. I was just sure there had to be more to it. So I wrote a letter to a publication that used to exist called Youth! Magazine. They had a column for questions like mine, and I hoped for an answer. My question never got printed, but the editor of the magazine wrote me back a long, wonderful letter, that I wish I could still find. In it, he said what I have come to believe is true – basically sharing with me a message from Romans 8 – nothing in life or in death can separate us from God’s love. He said God’s grace was so amazing that he was unwilling to put any kind of limits on God’s love, even for, or perhaps especially for – Judas. Needless to say, I found his letter very comforting. My Sunday School teacher, on the other hand, was not so excited to be so contradicted!

            When I was a senior in college, I had to write my capstone paper for my pre-theology major, and I decided to look at Jesus and Judas in literature. I discovered that sometimes Judas was portrayed as the worst person in all of history. Sometimes, like in Superstar, Judas was the misunderstood hero. But sometimes, Judas was portrayed as a mix of good impulses and bad decisions. Even though Superstar remained my favorite portrayal of Judas, I was particularly moved by these pieces of literature – a Judas who you could relate to. A Judas that made you wonder how you would have acted in his shoes.

           My questions haven’t changed much over the years: Who is Judas? Why did he do what he did? The truth is, like many of Jesus’ disciples, we really don’t know very much about Judas at all, even if we see him depicted often enough in fiction, firm, musicals. We don’t know his family background, we don’t know what he did, we don’t know where he came from. I’ve read many different theories, but of course, most are conjecture, imaginings, really, rather than fact-based theories. And since we know so little about Judas, we also don’t know very much about his motivations for betraying Jesus. Only the gospel of John mentions that Judas is treasurer for the group of disciples, and suggests that greed for the payment of silver is the motivation for betrayal. But the other gospels never mention anything like this at all. As in our gospel reading for today, Matthew, Mark, and Luke segue with new interlude into mentioning that Judas was looking for an opportunity to betray Jesus. Things get confusing, for me, to understand logically. Why would the religious leaders even need Judas to betray Jesus? They knew where Jesus was, and showed up to hear him preach and teach all the time. It wasn’t as though Jesus was in hiding and Judas led them to a secret location. We can’t imagine that 30 coins alone would have tempted Judas to betray Jesus – even though it was a hefty sum, it wasn’t enough make him set for life, a year, or even half year actually. What motivates Judas? I wonder, very much. But what we know for sure is that almost every time Judas is mentioned in the scriptures, he is called, “Judas, who later betrayed him.” You never have to wonder how he will turn out. The scriptures say it over and over before the betrayal even unfolds. We know that from Mark, the earliest gospel, to John, the latest written, Judas is increasingly portrayed as villainous and evil. And I can tell you that while Judas was always known for his betrayal, it was a few centuries after the birth of the church that Judas began to be seen as the sole disciple responsible for Jesus’ death. In fact, over time, Judas began to be a symbol for all Jews who didn’t accept Christ, and was a figure used by anti-Semites in their hatred of Jews. Judas, who later betrayed him.

            Imagine if your whole life, you were called by a name that was based on one event, one action, even a bad one. Beth, you know, Beth who preached that awful sermon? Della, who messed up the offertory. Joe, who couldn’t hold down a job. Marge, who really screwed up her kids. Bob, who caused that car accident. What if, your whole life, you had to carry descriptors of your mistakes, even your worst ones, as part of your name? What if, in the telling of your life story, you had to stick with a label of your worst moment before even telling what happened. Judas, who later betrayed him.

What does it mean to betray someone? In the case of Judas, the definition of his actions which I found to best fit was this: "To prove faithless or treacherous to, as to a trust or one who trusts; to be false to; to deceive; as, to betray a person or a cause." (1) That fits, doesn’t it? Whatever Judas’ motives were, I think we can accurately say he proved faithless to Jesus. Why ever it was, whatever caused it, Judas ultimately did not have faith in Jesus.

What does it all mean for us? What difference does Judas’ betrayal mean for us? To me, in some ways, Judas is important in just the same way understanding every other text in the scriptures is important. We draw closer to God through understanding, and we understand by putting ourselves into the text, seeing ourselves in the story. Can we see ourselves in Judas, who later betrayed him? My biggest problem with how we’ve remembered Judas in Christian tradition is that by seeing him as so evil, we fail to see ourselves in him. Vilifying him makes us feel better. At least we’re not Judas, right? At least we’re better than Judas, the greedy traitor, Judas, who later betrayed him.  

And yet, if we think of the definition of betrayal again, we have some hard questions to answer. To betray is to prove faithless to. Have you ever proven yourselves faithless to Jesus? We may find it hard to believe that after spending three years as a disciple following Christ from place to place that we'd then turn Jesus over to men we knew were trying to kill him. On the other hand, we may not find it so hard to think of ways that we betray Jesus, perhaps even on a daily basis. If to betray means to prove faithless, then we are indeed very much like Judas. Judas, for whatever reason, did not have faith enough to believe in the path Jesus was following. Do we have enough faith? Maybe, sometimes, more often than we want to admit, we don't have faith enough to believe that God has called us for plans beyond our imagination. We don't have faith enough to invest ourselves, our money, our time, and our gifts into God's care. We don't have faith enough to believe that God gives us grace, a gift there for the taking, without our needing to do something to earn it. We don’t have enough faith to actually follow Jesus instead of following our own plans for ourselves. And our lack of faith betrays Jesus as surely as Judas did.

But if we can let Judas be redeemed, if we can let Judas be more than the one who later betrayed him, if we can believe, like that magazine editor did, that God’s unconditional love is truly unconditional, than perhaps we can help Judas move beyond, as we move beyond. If we can see ourselves in Judas, if we can admit that our actions often betray the Jesus we claim to follow, then we too, like Judas, can repent. But we can also move beyond. Judas couldn’t move beyond what he’d done and neither could those who would tell his story. I can’t imagine the grief and guilt he must have felt. And I wonder what might have happened, if Judas had chosen another path, if reconciliation might have been possible in his life on earth, as I believe it is always and everywhere possible with God. We are blessed always with the chance – the hope and promise really, that we can move beyond. We aren’t defined by our sins, but by God’s love and forgiveness. Beth, whose sermon made me think. Della, whose music touched my soul. Joe, whose life God changed. Marge, who is really wonderful with young people. Bob, who God loves. You, who proved yourself faithful to God’s love. Amen.

Superstar

Tomorrow night, I will be participating in perhaps my very favorite Holy Week tradition - I'll be heading off to see Jesus Christ Superstar, performed by the Salt City Center for the Performing Arts. Sadly, Joe Lotito, the longtime director, died last year, and the theatre itself is no more - the building was forever falling down and 'under construction' and finally sold. But the company still performs in other locations. 


If you read this blog, or have known me for any length of time, you know that I *LOVE* Jesus Christ Superstar. I can't remember ever not knowing at least a fair amount of the music from Superstar. We had the record? tape? in my home growing up. But the first time I saw it performed live was when I was in 7th grade. My pastor at the time, Rev. Bruce Webster,  took our youth group to see the long running community theatre production at Salt City Center for the Performing Arts in Syracuse. (That year was their 15th anniversary production.) I instantly became enamored with the actor who played Judas. Being an extremely shy person, I never would congratulate him after the show, even though the actors came right out to mingle with the audience after the performance, but despite never speaking to him, my crush thrived, and sparked a fascination with Superstar and Judas that has lasted for over half my life now!  


So where has this love of Superstar and Judas taken me?


*I've seen Superstar performed live about 25 times - maybe 2/3 of those at Salt City (yes, some years I saw it more than once), and 1/3 seeing various incarnations the touring version with Ted Neeley. 


*I've dragged countless friends and family members, church members, and parishioners along with me to see Superstar, and even gotten some of them hooked on it too, although, honestly, no one is as big a fan as I am...


*I convinced my Junior High Select Choir teacher to let us sing a Superstar medley that I tracked down in 9th grade, and got to sing the solo from "I Don't Know How to Love Him." 


*I wrote a letter to now-non-existent Youth! magazine (for UM Youth) asking about whether or not Judas went to hell, after a heated debate with my Junior-high Sunday School teacher. The editor wrote me back a lovely letter filled with words about God's grace that I will never forget (even if I can't find that letter. I'm sure it's somewhere...)


*Two of my friends and I in high-school made a serious attempt (at least serious for our life-stage) to organize our own Superstar production in Rome. Some day, some day. 


*My sophomore year, I wore one of my (many) Superstar t-shirts to school every single day for several weeks until the day of the show. 


*In college, I wrote my senior religion paper on the relationship between Judas and Jesus in literature, with, of course, a big segment about Superstar. (I just looked at the current course requirements for the Pre-Theology major - I wouldn't even have to take the class I wrote the paper for if I was at Ohio Wesleyan now!)


*Last year, I convinced my wonderful music director in Franklin Lakes to let us focus on Superstar as our musical theme for Lent. For me, at least, this resulted in one of the most meaningful Lent experiences I've had in a long time. Highlights included getting to sing the part of Mary during worship (as close to the role as I will likely ever get!), and our Maundy Thursday Service, with an actor from the touring production singing "Gethsemane," giving me chills. 


*Also last year, after seeing the touring production in a matinée on Holy Saturday with my congregation at NJPAC, my mother and I got in the car, drove to Syracuse, and saw the 30th anniversary production by Salt City. And then we got back in the car, and drove back to NJ, so I would be there for Easter morning. It was totally crazy, and involved getting pulled over once, but it was SO worth it! 


So, as I prepare to see Superstar again tomorrow night (with Henry Wilson starring as Judas again...), I've been thinking - aside from my crush, what about Superstar drew me in so deeply? Why do I love it so much? 


I've always been a fan of theatre, and musical theatre in particular. But Superstar - it was a combination of theatre that I loved, and the faith that was already becoming more meaningful to me. And Superstar brought the Passion story, the story of Holy Week, alive for me in a powerful way. Ever since that first year, I have looked forward to Holy Week very much. To me, understanding Holy Week means being able to see yourself in the story, somewhere. Who would you be? Where would you be? I think that Superstar helped me wonder about those questions in deeper ways. 


Judas - my curiosity about Judas is a curiosity about the fullness and boundaries (more accurately, the lack of boundaries) when it comes to God's grace. Romans 8 talks about nothing in life and death being able to separate us from God's love. Who more tests that truth than Judas? For me, wondering about Judas' eternal fate was wondering about God's love and grace and how far it goes. Because, really, aren't we all betrayers, when to betray means to fail, to desert, to be faithless, to go astray? If there's no grace for Judas... 


I'm looking forward to yet another Superstar viewing tomorrow night, the perfect preparation for Easter morning.  

Sermon for First Sunday in Lent (non-lectionary)

(Sermon 3/1/09, Matthew 26:6-50, 27:3-10)

Judas, Who Later Betrayed Him

Judas, you might say, has always been my favorite disciple. Maybe ‘favorite’ isn’t quite the right word for it. Judas has always been the disciple by whom I’ve been most intrigued. I’ve spent the most time studying him. The most time pondering who he is, why he did what he did, what his role was in the passion story. I’ve been fascinated by Judas. And I have to admit that it started with a crush. When I first went to see Jesus Christ Superstar in seventh grade, I developed a big crush on the actor who was playing Judas. He played the role for the next three years, and when I would go see the production, I would focus mostly on Judas! And so even though my crush was on the actor, I became really intrigued by the character. Jesus Christ Superstar is told from Judas’ perspective, in a sense. It is his story of Jesus’ last week, his relationship with Jesus that is central to the musical. And, in Andrew Lloyd Webber’s interpretation, Judas, in the end, even after his suicide – well, his story continues.

One question became central for me to answer. As we heard in our gospel reading today, Judas committed suicide, hung himself, out of guilt for his actions, for betraying Jesus and putting him into the hands of his enemies. I had been taught that suicide was a sin that condemned someone to hell. An unforgiveable sin. But the way Judas was portrayed in Superstar made me wonder. Right there, in our text today from Matthew, we read this: “When Judas, his betrayer, saw that Jesus was condemned, he repented.” Judas repented. That word, the word used here – it’s the same word for repentance that Jesus and John the Baptist use when the first preach their message: Repent! If Judas repented, how could he be condemned to eternal punishment? And what’s more: In the gospel of John, Jesus talks about Judas’ betrayal being part of the plan. If Judas had to betray Jesus in order for Jesus to go through the suffering and death and resurrection, how can Judas be held accountable for his actions? Was he acting as part of his own free will, making his own choices, or was he predestined to betray Jesus? And if he was predestined, can he be judged for his actions?

I presented all of these questions to my Sunday School teacher at the time. Her answer to me was simple: Judas committed suicide, so Judas went to hell. I was not satisfied with her answer. I was just sure there had to be more to it. So I wrote a letter to a publication that used to exist called Youth! Magazine – it was just for United Methodist Youth, and I loved it. They had a column for questions like mine, and I hoped for an answer. My question never got printed, but the editor of the magazine wrote me back a long, wonderful letter, that I wish I could still find. In it, he said what I have come to believe is true – basically sharing with me a message from Romans 8 – nothing in life or in death can separate us from God’s love. He said God’s grace was so amazing that he was unwilling to put any kind of limits on God’s love, even for, or perhaps especially for – Judas. Needless to say, I found his letter very comforting. My Sunday School teacher, on the other hand, was not so excited to be so contradicted! And as I mentioned on Wednesday, my fascination with Judas carried me all the way through college, when I wrote my senior religion paper on the characterizations of Jesus and Judas in fiction.

So now you know why I’m so intrigued by Judas. But my questions haven’t changed much: Who is he? Why did he do what he did? The truth is, like many of Jesus’ disciples, we don’t know very much about Judas at all. We don’t know his family background, we don’t know what he did, we don’t know where he came from. I’ve read many different theories, but of course, most are conjecture, imaginings, really, rather than fact-based theories. And since we know so little about Judas, we also don’t know very much about his motivations for betraying Jesus. Only the gospel of John mentions that Judas is treasurer for the group of disciples, and suggests that greed for the payment of silver is the motivation for betrayal. But the other gospels never mention anything like this at all. As in our gospel reading for today, Matthew, Mark, and Luke segway with new interlude into mentioning that Judas was looking for an opportunity to betray Jesus. Things get confusing, for me, to understand logically. Why would the religious leaders even need Judas to betray Jesus? They knew where Jesus was, and showed up to hear him preach and teach all the time. It wasn’t as though Jesus was in hiding and Judas led them to a secret location. We can’t imagine that 30 coins alone would have tempted Judas to betray Jesus – even though it was a hefty sum, it wasn’t enough make him set for life, a year, or even half year actually. What motivates Judas? I wonder, very much. But what we know for sure is that almost every time Judas is mentioned in the scriptures, he is called, “Judas, who later betrayed him.” We know that from Mark, the earliest gospel, to John, the latest written, Judas is increasingly portrayed as villainous and evil. And I can tell you that while Judas was always known for his betrayal, it was a few centuries after the birth of the church that Judas began to be seen as the sole disciple responsible for Jesus’ death. In fact, over time, Judas began to be a symbol for all Jews who didn’t accept Christ, and was a figure used by anti-Semites in their hatred of Jews. Judas, who later betrayed him.

Imagine if your whole life, you were called by a name that was based on one event, one action. Beth, you know, Beth who preached that awful sermon? Russell, who messed up the offertory. Joe, who couldn’t hold down a job. Marge, who really screwed up her kids. Bob, who caused that car accident. What if, your whole life, you had to carry descriptors of your mistakes, even your worst ones, as part of your name? Judas, who later betrayed him. What does it mean to betray someone? In the case of Judas, the definition of his actions which I found to best fit was this: "To prove faithless or treacherous to, as to a trust or one who trusts; to be false to; to deceive; as, to betray a person or a cause." (1) That fits, doesn’t it? Whatever Judas’ motives were, I think we can accurately say he proved faithless to Jesus. Why ever it was, whatever caused it, Judas ultimately did not have faith in Jesus. That’s the take of the song we heard today – a Judas who is having serious doubts about the path Jesus is going down, a Judas who thinks Jesus is out of control, a Judas who doesn’t see, doesn’t trust, the direction of Jesus’ ministry, and acts to stop Jesus.

What does it all mean for us? What difference does Judas’ betrayal mean for us? To me, in some ways, Judas is important in just the same way understanding every other text in the scriptures is important. We draw closer to God through understanding, and we understand by putting ourselves into the text, seeing ourselves in the story. Can we see ourselves in Judas, who later betrayed him? My biggest problem with how we’ve remembered Judas in the Christian Church is that by seeing him as so evil, we fail to see ourselves in him. Vilifying him makes us feel better. At least we’re not Judas, right? At least we’re better than Judas, the greedy traitor.

And yet, if we think of the definition of betrayal again, we have some hard questions to answer. To betray is to prove faithless to. Can you say honestly that you’ve never proven yourselves faithless to Jesus? We may find it hard to believe that after spending three years as a disciple following Christ from place to place that we'd then turn Jesus over to men we knew were trying to kill him. On the other hand, we may not find it so hard to think of ways that we betray Jesus, perhaps even on a daily basis. If to betray means to prove faithless, then we are indeed very much like Judas. Judas, for whatever reason, did not have faith enough to believe in the path Jesus was following. Do we have enough faith? Maybe, sometimes, more often than we want to admit, we don't have faith enough to believe that God has called us for plans beyond our imagination. We don't have faith enough to invest ourselves, our money, our time, and our gifts into God's care. We don't have faith enough to believe that God gives us grace, a gift there for the taking, without our needing to do something to earn it. We don’t have enough faith to actually follow Jesus instead of our plans for ourselves. And our lack of faith betrays Jesus as surely as Judas did.

But if we can let Judas be redeemed, if we can let Judas be more than the one who later betrayed him, if we can believe, like that magazine editor did, that God’s unconditional love is truly unconditional, than perhaps we can help Judas move beyond, as we move beyond. If we can see ourselves in Judas, if we can admit that our actions often betray the Jesus we claim to follow, then we too, like Judas, can repent. But we can also move beyond. Judas couldn’t move beyond what he’d done, and neither could those who would tell his story. I can’t imagine the grief and guilt he must have felt. And I wonder what might have happened, if Judas had chosen another path, if reconciliation might have been possible in his life on earth, as I believe it is always and everywhere possible with God. We are blessed always with the chance – the hope and promise really, that we can move beyond. We aren’t defined by our sins, but by God’s love and forgiveness. Beth, whose sermon made me think. Russell, whose music touched my soul. Joe, whose life God changed. Marge, who is really wonderful with children. Bob, who God loves. You, who proved yourself faithful to God’s love. Amen.

Heroes

Since I haven't been in the mood to write anything else, I thought I'd respond in a new post to John's question in the comments of my last post about All Saints Day: "So, who were your heroes?" Put the names out there into the blogosphere. He was referring to this part of my post:
"And yet, I'm not sure we can help but make heroes of those we admire. When I was in junior-high, I regularly kept a 'hero-list'. I will confess to you that I a bit(?!) arrogantly consider myself hard to impress, so the list was pretty hard to get onto. But I can remember today almost everyone whose name graced the list, and I remember how and why they got there. A couple teachers, a classmate or two, some family members, people in the arts, even an inspirational speaker that came to speak to us. I like to think they gave me something to work for, a model to be like, to try to be like at least."

Well, I admit I had to spend some time going through my old journals to find the complete list. Some people were added on through the years of course, and others dropped off when they become less a part of my current state of mind, though I don't think I ever mentally 'kicked someone off'!

Here's the list:
Al DeNeve - Mr. DeNeve was my ninth grade English teacher. A few of my classmates and I used to call him "the smartest man in the world." He seemed to know everything - both useful and silly things. He would share poetry with us, and loved to rewrite fairy tales using words that sounded like the right words when said quickly (like "cheeses priced" instead of "Jesus Christ"). He was the first teacher that I had that ever interpreted what we were reading in a deeper way. We read many, many short stories that year, and he would always talk to us about the metaphors in the stories and the subtexts and I'd never had anyone do that before. I felt like he was solving literature mysteries for us. I was fascinated. Plus, hey, he taught me grammar. Some of it I still use! A nice man, an excellent teacher.

James Wygant - Mr. Wygant I considered second only in intelligent teachers to Mr. DeNeve. He was my eighth grade science teacher - basic physics/chemistry stuff. I always hated science, so anyone who could make me enjoy it was already winning points. I liked Mr. Wygant because, as I wrote in my journal, he was "quiet, but always smiling on the inside." I felt like he was always laughing to himself about the silliness of junior high drama.

Frankie Scinta - Scinta came to my junior high school as a motivational speaker. Like people are with a good sermon, I don't remember the specifics - just that he was funny and direct and encouraging general goodness out of the students and managed to be cool while doing it. Apparently, he and his family now perform a family-friendly show in Las Vegas.

Carol Finn - Carol and I went to high school together (sometime toward the end of high school is when I stopped keeping the list) and I primarily knew her through orchestra. Carol was the concert mistress, which gave her a step in the right direction right there, and she was one who didn't seem to lord her principal chair status over others (a common problem!). But what I liked most about Carol was that she didn't seem to fit any particular mold, didn't seem to be part of any particular set clique, which is of course a miracle in high school. She had her own style, was very intelligent, never seemed to care what other people thought of her. She was funny, and adventurous (at least to my timid mind) without doing dumb things for adventure. I got to room with her on a trip to Austria with one of our string groups when I was a junior and she was a freshman in college. The trip would not have been nearly as much fun without her.

Kevin "Bull" Troy - When I was in between fifth and sixth grades, I went to "Adventure Camp" at our conference church camp, Camp Aldersgate. The 'dean' of the camp, a clergyperson, had to cancel last minute. Taking over for him were two counselors, Laura and Bull. My mom was not excited - Bull was huge - 6' 4" and muscular, pierced ears, bandana over a shaved head, and generally your stereotype of a tough-guy. He was great! The nicest guy, friendly and tender-hearted. He was on staff the next several years, and has since stayed connected with my uncle (a pastor appointed near Aldersgate), and I always looked forward to seeing him.
Meredith Niles - I met Meredith at Camp when I was going into ninth grade. (She has a twin that I never did get to know - Mindy - so Meredith was called "Mork" by many.) Like Carol, Meredith struck me as a non-conformist with her own style. She had a deep faith, and yet still struggled and was down on herself about so much. She was a couple years older than me - I thought she was very mature, and I really admired her, her creativity.

Robert Zazzara - He conducted the area all-state choir when I was in ninth grade. (He's faculty - retired? - at Ithaca College.) This was the first music event I was part of that was outside of my own school. I loved my junior high chorus teacher - she was great. But this was my first experience with someone of his level of training, singing with other singers who were more serious students, and singing songs that were at a higher level of difficulty. I loved it. I still remember a couple of the pieces we sang. And I thought he was an awesome conductor.

Henry Wilson - I've written about Henry before. Henry played Judas in Jesus Christ Superstar at Salt City Playhouse for the first three seasons I went to see it there. Without ever speaking to him, I was totally infatuated with him in a way that only junior high kids can be. But because of my huge crush, I came to know and love the Lenten and Easter seasons better. I still love Jesus Christ Superstar. I am still intrigued by what propelled Judas Iscariot, still wonder what he was really like. Henry was an excellent actor and singer. These days, he (among other things, I'm sure) sings in a local band.

A few others here and there, but these were the 'main' members of my elite group.
Who are your heroes?

Review: Jesus Christ Superstar - The Farewell Tour

Tuesday night I had the great pleasure of going to see Jesus Christ Superstar, the so-called "Farewell Tour," starring Ted Neeley, who played Jesus in the movie version of Jesus Christ Superstar. (Check out this youtube clip of Neeley singing his trademark "Gethsemane" on The Tonight Show)

Neeley is now in his early sixties - he's no longer the young 30 year old that starred in the 1973 movie. And he has aged since I saw him touring in the production in 1992 and 1996. But it was still just so awesome to see him perform - his age was very low on a list of concerns! I went to see the production with my little brother, a birthday present from me to him that was as much for me, and in the overture when Jesus first appears, I glanced excitedly over to Todd and leaned forward in my seat in anticipation. As soon as Neeley appeared, the audience went crazy with applause, before he ever even sung a note. And then again when he first sang. And then again with his "Gethsemane" - still hitting the high notes in rockin' style. And then of course for the curtain call, a standing ovation.

As I mentioned recently, I had the pleasure when I was in junior high of meeting Ted Neeley. This was in the height of my JCS obsession, when I would actually wear only Superstar t-shirts for about a month preceding my annual trip to see an area production. He was extremely warm and gracious and stayed to chat, meet, and sign autographs for everyone who was in line. (The cast in general had stayed around, all were very kind.) Check out these reviews here, which also paint a picture of Neeley as a generally nice guy and humble performer. My only disappointment was that Carl Anderson was supposed to perform as Judas, but his understudy was onstage when I saw it, and I never did get to see Anderson perform live in the role.

Anyway, back to the show. Corey Glover, lead singer of Living Colour, played Judas Iscariot. His voice was fabulous, and his final number, "Jesus Christ Superstar" was great. But the rest of the time I didn't really like the way the character portrayed. I thought the blocking was boring - all this fabulous energetic movement, and Judas seems wimpy, head hung, shoulders hunched, and isn't moving anywhere. I can only imagine this is how Glover was directed (at least in terms of where to move when) but I would have liked to see a bolder, stronger Judas. It was cool to see Larry Alan Coke, a Syracuse native, in the role of Caiaphas. I can't imagine hitting such low notes. (And cool that Coke signed my blog a while back!) The rest of the ensemble, the chorus - they were great. The chorus was clear, had great harmony, and sounded much bigger than their number.

The lighting and 'special effects' were also fabulous. Great use was made of hangings to change the scene in the center of stage. Most effective was the staging of "The Temple" - the second part of the number where Jesus is healing lepers. This production portrays the lepers as a mass of people all crying for Jesus to be healed - in his mind - as he is struggling with fatigue in his ministry and uncertainty/worry about the future. I thought this was the best staging of the scene I've encountered so far - made it stand out in a totally new way.

Also curious - a few lyric changes here and there. Not sure why/for what purpose, but for someone singing along (mostly silently!) in her seat, they stuck out.

Check out tour dates here - the show is traveling around the country for a year or so, and making stops in many locales!

Brushes with Greatness: RevGals Friday Five - on Saturday

From RevGals:

"In the coming days, I'll be meeting my creative/artistic role model--a singer-songwriter who has been a part of my spiritual journey for some 10 years now. I'm psyched!David Letterman used to have a feature on his show called "Brushes with Greatness." Members of the audience would share stories of encounters with famous people. And so..."

1. Tell us about a time you met someone famous.
Hmm. The best was meeting Ted Neeley (who I will be seeing again very soon!!) when I was in high-school and he was doing a touring production of my favorites, Jesus Christ Superstar. I actually waited at the stage door after the show with a small group of fans and we got to go into the theatre and meet and get autographs. He was very warm and friendly, I thought. In seminary, while I was fortunate enough to have work-study jobs at two professional theatres - The Playwright's Theatre of New Jersey and the Shakespeare Theatre of New Jersey, I got to 'meet' several, or at least serve them at the bar/concession stand/opening night party: Jay O. Sanders, Dana and Christopher Reeve, Peter Parros, Tamara Tunie, Robert Cuccioli, Jared Zeus. But this is hardly as cool as my little brother/actor Todd, who actually has acted in the same company with some of these people!

2. Tell us about a celebrity you'd like to meet.
No one in particular. Maybe musician Tracy Chapman.

3. Tell us about someone great who's *not* famous that you think everyone oughta have a chance to meet.
My mom, and my late grandfather, both people who everyone loves. My mom has always been the mom that other kids call mom too. I've never called anyone else's mom mom, so I assume it must be that my mom is extra cool. Ditto my grandpa.

4. Do you have any autographs of famous people?
See #1 - Ted Neeley.

5. If you were to become famous, what would you want to become famous for?
I've talked about this at length with my little brother, and told him when he gets famous I would like to be the spiritual guide for all the big stars ;). Either that, or a famous tap dancer.